So, there’s a high school reunion coming up. We’ll be traveling, can’t go. I really wish we could, though. But not for the reason everyone else is longing to attend. I’m not looking to recapture the “best days” of my life. As far as those days go, my best days are understated days… the days you look back on years later and realize you’ve taken for granted. And I’ve made it my life’s work to never take the regular, the supposedly mundane, for granted. Ever. I think there’s wonder in everything. And I’ve found that the more celebrated, the more anticipated the event, the greater letdown.
It’s like I was born a grouchy old lady, and this whole time I’ve simply been becoming more of who I really am. In high school, I mostly slept. I was so tired, I fell asleep constantly. I’m not gregarious at all. But I’m also not afraid of people. Perhaps “social apathy” might be what you could say about my attitude toward my peers during my teen years. I’d have to say that about 97% of my graduating class probably has no idea who I am. Between my lack of awakeness, and my lack of interest in anyone outside of myself, coupled with kind of a bad attitude… I’m not left with that many friends from that time.
It’s funny, I graduated here, and still live here, in the same small town. Plus with the advent of social media, I’m not sure how necessary a high school reunion really is for someone like me, I probably interact with more people I went to school with now that I’m an adult, than I did when we actually attended school together. But it’s strange, the caution people seem to be approaching the idea of a high school reunion with. I was surprised by it again today. I guess these are people who had genuine amazing times in high school and don’t want to ruin those memories with a potentially awkward high school reunion. I had an okay time in high school too, but I never felt like it was the peak of my life experience. I spent about $20 on my grad dress, and had no date. (If I brought some random guy, I’d just have to babysit him the whole time. Ugh, no thanks.) So, to me, it was just some event to attend. Anyway, I wonder if the reason some people may want to stay away would be because they’d hear stories about themselves that they’d rather forget. A different narrative than the one they’ve been presenting to the world, or their spouse, or whatever. I’d like to think that I accurately represent myself here — that I slept a lot, I wasn’t very social, and when I did interact with my peers I was kind of an asshole. And yet there were others who told me I was one of the sweetest people they’d ever met. I’m still trying to process that. I feel like maybe they were kind of projecting; counting in this being true, so they could manipulate me. They’re hoping I’m sweet. Or perhaps they were confusing “quiet” with “sweet”. Well whatever. Here’s a picture of me and my brother Kent in 1995, it’s the last “first day of school” pic my mom ever took of me: